Compassionate Communication (NVC) is a language that helps us put our attention on divine life-energy.  I like to call it divine life-energy because I see it moving all life to grow, contribute and connect: a baby calling out to be held or fed, a cat crawling onto your lap to be stroked, a plant pushing through the earth to find the sun.  Unfortunately, for thousands of years, humans have been taught a language that alienates us from this divine energy; a language that communicates ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, punishment and reward; a language that conditions our mind to judge, evaluate, blame and punish.  This life-alienating way of thinking and speaking supports a domination society where we see each other as separate beings competing for power, resources and morality.

What is unique and inspiring about NVC, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is how it supports us to focus on the life-serving needs that all humans share - love, safety, belonging, security, meaning, autonomy, peace, contribution, fun, nurturance and many more - regardless of what someone is doing or saying.  These needs are the foundation of NVC because they are the different qualities of divine life-energy that move through all of us.  NVC does involve practicing a way of speaking but it is much more than the words; this way of speaking guides us to a consciousness of connection and collaboration, and helps us orient our entire being around the divine life-energy in our common human needs.

I believe that more and more people want to cultivate inner peace in themselves, and compassion and connection with others.  Spiritual practice as part of life is becoming more common these days as people realize that we can’t find inner peace from materialism, from striving to prove ourselves, or from dominating others.  There are many wonderful ways to work with our subjective experience, to cultivate inner peace and harmony, to differentiate from our ego and connect to our deeper being.  What many spiritual practices are missing is a practical way to work with our inter-subjective experience - to cultivate compassion and connection in how we relate to and communicate with others.  We may be able to find inner peace when by ourselves, but how can we maintain our equanimity when someone does or says something that stimulates pain or discomfort in us?  And if we do remain peaceful with someone else who is judging and blaming and has strong emotions, how do we communicate in a way that invites connection and compassion even when their words or behaviour is not meeting our needs?  For thousands of years we have been taught a language that supports a domination culture; a language full of judgments, criticisms, and evaluations; a language of right and wrong, good and bad.  Therefore, even though someone may have a spiritual practice for finding peace within themselves and the best of intentions to create peace with others, when they speak a language of domination, they may find it difficult to resolve differences with others in a way that invites peace and connection.

Communicating with words is not the only way humans share their subjective experience, but it is our predominant method for sharing the meaning of our lives.  NVC helps us create a sense of partnership with each other where all needs matter.  Although not always easy, this simple and powerful process helps us stay connected to our divine energy, and communicate in a way that invites others to connect to the same divine energy.  When divine energy meets itself in another, something is born in the space between that I don’t believe is found in a spiritual practice isolated from our relational experience.