There isn’t anything in this world but mad love. Not in this world. No tame love, calm love, mild love, no so-so love. And, of course, no reasonable love. Also, there are a hundred paths through this world that are easier than loving. But who wants easier?
 Mary Oliver

Another inspiring person I met last year was a woman who told me of her experience of looking for a life-partner; I’ll call her Rose.  Rose had done what she needed to do to mourn and leave behind her last relationship and felt ready to enter again into intimate partnership.  She decided to try internet dating and made an agreement with herself to say yes to every man who asked her on a date.  Over 30 men asked her out for a date.  Keeping her agreement, Rose went out with all of them even though none of them seemed like a match from their internet dating profiles.  Sure enough, approximately 30 times Rose ended the dates by saying something to the effect of, “I don’t think we are a match.”

Then a different kind of fella found Rose on the internet dating site.  After looking at his profile, Rose felt hopeful.  Did they hit it off?  Oh yes, profoundly.  I’d like to end the story here by simply celebrating her ability to stay true to herself and to remain strong enough to keep saying no until she found someone with whom she felt a big YES.  And I do celebrate these things very much.  But the story doesn’t end here.
A slow and gentle courtship with her new love led to a deepening bond between them that culminated in a night of divine union.  The next morning Rose’s love left with plans for meeting again soon.  But they did not meet again as planned.  Instead, Rose got an email from her love telling her that he could not see her again because he was too afraid of losing her.

When Rose told me this story my first thought was, “Isn’t it interesting that he chose to lose her because he was too afraid of losing her.”   Then I thought that of course love sometimes doesn’t make sense, and I thought of how sometimes the thing we want the most we fear the most.  What was most inspiring to me was that Rose did not express a tirade of judgements about this man, nor did she pour out a soliloquy of poor me.  Instead, she felt deeply into her loss and then told me how she needed to get to the bottom of what his actions and fear was reflecting in her, what part of her was afraid of a profound bond of love.  I was given the gift of witnessing her raw but empowered expression of the heart breaking open.

And now here I am falling deeply in love, taking a large step back into the land of cannot comprehend, experiencing tidal waves of love and joy flushing through me, and groping for something to grasp on to as some deep fears stir below.  With some sputtering and floundering I have managed to navigate my way through the fears by going into my experience and then sharing it openly with my love, Shantih.  Thanks to this sharing and to the exquisite acceptance and presence I experienced from Shantih, the fears have settled for now and the love continues to deepen.  My intention is to continue to stay open and authentic as much as I am able, and to keep asking for the empathic presence that lends itself so divinely to this intention.  Wish me courage to keep opening.