As parents we often wish to support our children to achieve their maximum potential and one of the ways in which we do this is through the use of praise. When we see our children successfully complete a task there is often a feeling of joy and celebration at their mastering a new skill. In hopes of reinforcing these new skills and as an expression of our pride in their accomplishment, parents and teachers will often use praise to let the children know we approve of what they have done.

The care and concern behind our words of praise are, for the most part, genuine and convey to our children our emotional reactions to their success. But what else does praise convey? Is it telling the children that they have the skills, perseverance and knowledge to accomplish the same task again and others that are more difficult? Are the children’s self esteem bolstered and their drive to challenge themselves reinforced? That is the hope and often the intention of praise, yet recent research is pointing in the other direction; telling us in fact that generalized praise can have the opposite effect than we are hoping for.

Alfie Kohn has written a number of books that look at the use of praise at home and in the classroom. His book “Punished by Rewards” provides the reader with an in-depth look at the use and abuse of praise in child rearing and education. Both Kohn and researcher Carol Dweck have done extensive research on the short and long term effects of praise. Their research highlights the negative impact our expressions of praise have on the children’s belief in their own skills and abilities. Contrary to popular belief, the use of praise can actually de-motivate a child as they struggle to bring into balance our words of praise and their real life experiences, which will inevitably include disappointments and failure. Children hear generalized praise and begin to develop a false understanding of intelligence and learning.

When we place children in accelerated programs, label them as gifted and shower praise upon them, they come to believe that intelligence is a fixed ability unrelated to effort; a birthright rather than a skill that can be developed. Generalized praise has been shown to act as a deterrent to increased effort and attempting tasks that may prove to be too difficult to master on the first try. Children gifted in a variety of skills can lose their drive to push themselves to learn more and come to rely upon the adults to provide many of the answers.

On the other hand, children who are praised for specific, repeatable behaviors that focus on the effort they used to accomplish a task, experience a spike in self-esteem that translates into a desire to increase efforts regardless of eventual outcome. The children given specific praise will attempt and even enjoy the challenge of a task that is beyond their ability to successfully complete. Further research has shown that this effect can be reinforced when the children are given information about the development of the brain and how repeated effort can create new neural pathways. These children are learning that intelligence is malleable and that they are in control of increasing their skill base and performance at school.

How do we as adults shift out of the use of habitual non- specific praise? How do we express our excitement, joy and love when our children experience success? Praise is one way we create connections with our children and help direct their behaviour and I am not suggesting that we abandon it completely. Rather, I am suggesting that adults widen their definition of success to include times when a child has exerted an effort and not obtained the final goal and learn how to use specific praise that focuses on efforts made. In this way we can continue to share our feelings when our children succeed and at the same time support our children in developing self-driven motivation to continue learning. For more information about the use of praise please visit the following web link; http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/ .